I will be inactivating my twitter and dis blog 2morrow. Cause i am living a nightmare. One i created when i was 15? Being blame and turned into someting im not. Tis isnt me. But i wont explain. No one will listen. Anyway..

So luva want 2 fuck me 2 night but i dont feel like fucking he. Well i do and dont. I just feel like i aint want the stress of sneaking out wondering if any gona c me and tell hubby. Is it worth getting caught. No. Yeah hubby aint good 2. We aint talking right now cause i just know wha he be doing. But luva is a treat. Dats how i gah tink of he. I just gah other ting i need 2 tink bout like myself. Getting myself in shape finally. Sex aint really on my mind. Though i know dat shit would be hot! He do me so good. And hubby aint been giving it to me. Oh well. I gah decide soon. Lets c. Stay home 2night w hubby who aint talking to me who probably going to find he some to. Or go and c luva for some hot sex. Choice look easy but yet. I dont know… What am i doing??? How i end up here in this situation…

So luva txt me after 2 days no contact. Wha he expect? A happy jolly welcome? No. i really aint gah nothing to say to u. Dont make me no afterthought. I aint one when u need some sex from me. Well. I dont need u and just how u can dis me for 2 days i can blank u. I dont care dat we is just luvas. I dont need dat stress. Might well stick w my cheating hubby. I need more than dis cause i sacrificing a lot to b w dat man.

Havent heard from my lover all day. This is odd. This dont happen. Not worried because i think he aint want to talk to me but worried something might hv happen. Did wifey find out bout us? Is he hurt? I hate feeling like this. Im not suppose 2 feel this way bout he…

Im ready to get de fuck outta here. Another stupid day. I know what went on when i wasnt home. Dats all right. He will get his…

Never say man dont hv it. So i finally get to see Mr. I aint c he for months. Had a good time we laugh and talk. So now all of a sudden hubby start texting. same man who aint been paying attention to me. Can he sense someone was showin me attention he wasnt? Sex was de bomb wink

Thank god i know how it is to be loved. To be treasured and care for, made to feel like im de only one. See i had someone like dat. He treated me like i was so special. But i was not in love with him. Dat was missing and i was yearning for it. I treated him well never cheated on him, but could not return the affection. So i left him to be with someone i loved since junior high. Broke his heart when i did. I can still c his face. I married who i left him for and five years later what do i have? A cheater who care for only himself. Who treats me like crap and tell me plain out he dont treasure me. Every thing i do upsets me. He rarely sleeps with me but jerks off to porn every chance he gets. And he cheated on me many times. Got a woman in the states he talk 2 for jours. Yet i stay. Because of his daughter who never had a real family life dat came from a foster home. Cause of our two year old. My big son who needs a father figure. See i was widowed at 23. So this is what i had. If i coukd do it over again i would not b with my husband. I probably would go back…

I does akways b so careful as to when i can leave de house to hang out but my hubby does always leave me home and go all over. He dont say leme stay home or u know it aint gona look rite if i go out again he just go and i practically gah make appointment to go out. I need 2 stop being so soft and start going out like he. I dont hv time 4 me